Monday, May 26, 2008

Unconditionality vs. Desires

Ok I am not wanting to be guilty of regurgitating other people's writing but another one of Noelle's Daily Grooves struck me. I am still learning how to not blame, how to not blame my 'lack' on the actions of others. I am learning how to accept that those around me do not always have my interests at heart, for it is human nature to serve our purpose. In the society in which I live there is a great divide between what I want, what my partner wants, my friends and family also have their own wants. Our wants generally rely on the actions of others, actions over which we ourselves have no control. Without letting our desires be known to the other party we really have little hope of those desires being fulfilled.
It's all well and good to say "I will love him more if he does this" or "My life would be better if only he'd...", well I have to say. "I love him". That statement cannot have a condition imposed on it. I love him, and his actions reflect his love for me. It's up to me to decide whether what I am putting out is being reciprocated, but I cannot make my love conditional. I can only love. He is flesh made from me, but that's always going to be the case, regardless of the emotion I feel towards him at any moment. I love him as my child. I can be angry, sad, mad, happy, outraged, excited, impressed by him. But ultimately I own my emotions and he cannot be expected to be responsible for how I feel about him. I love him unconditionally.
Life is good. Life could be better. But right now. Life IS good. Accepting that right now, life is pretty sweet, it's as sweet as it gets having three little men worship me, a roof over my head, food in my cupboard and coffee at my desk. What I wish to improve I can work on, I am not limited by much that cannot be resolved if I choose to make it so. I am privileged. I am white. I am married. I am female. I still have scope to be the me I want to be, to have the life I want to have. All in good time. But right now. Life IS good. It's good without being dependent on any variable. Life flows. Whether I want it to or not, life flows.
But anyway, a ramble, a ramble. I want to share this daily groove with you all. And I want to have it saved as something to refer myself back to now and again. In the midst of day to day chaos it can be easy to lose touch with NOW.
Unconditionality vs. Desires
Q: How do you reconcile "unconditionality" with having preferences and desires? If you're totally unconditional, shouldn't everything be fine the way it is?
A: Unconditionality doesn't mean having no preferences or desires; it means that you don't let the temporary absence of your preferred conditions prevent you from enjoying the present moment... "When conditions are to my liking, I feel great! (Obviously.) And when conditions are not to my liking, I enjoy anticipating theunfolding of my preferred conditions." The idea that you can't enjoy this moment because of unwanted conditions is a LIE perpetuated by our conditional culture -- a lie that serves no purpose other than to keep people feeling powerless! Unconditionality says, "Enjoying the here and now is my top priority, so I'm not going to use these conditions as an excuse to separate from my natural state of well-being." So when your child "misbehaves," or your partner is unsupportive, or you're sleep-deprived, etc., use those unwanted conditions to help you clarify what you *do* want. Then practice unconditionality by accepting the present conditions AND joyfully anticipating the fulfillment of your desires. Copyright (c) 2008 by Scott Noelle

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